Poland Pub watch - Grota pub

I've decided to review pubs,restaurants or whatever catches my eye. When I was in the pub game, mystery drinkers were my pet hate (those people that get paid to eat, drink and then rate a place) not because I didn't want to get a bad score from them but because their introduction increased the amount of training that I had to give to new staff and I hated that!. Furthermore lots of brightly multi-coloured stickers and posters with picture prompts came to cover every available space that wearing sunglasses behind the bar became the necessary norm (I worked a lot for Mitchell & Butlers, sounds like a cigarette company but it's actually a large pub company who employed more research and development people than bar staff!) I lost count the amount of times that some young grad newbie executive somewhere in the company came up with some crappy campaign to improve service which either made our work ten times harder or service ten times slower.

Anyway I enjoyed being a mystery customer in London where I rated many things about my experience in a particular establishment so I will carry on. Who knows I might influence someone who reads this to go to a place I mention (actually come to think of it I'm probably missing a good opportunity here, all this FREE advertising and publicity I'm giving!!!)

The Grota pub - Szklarska Poreba

Actually I've come here quite a lot in the past, usually whenever we came here for a break from Zielona. It is an underground bar off the main street in the center, hence the name Grota or grotto in English and has recently undergone a refurb. As you can see from the picture it looks cool and looks like a mix between a wine cellar and a castle. I don't know where the old Victorian style street lamps fit in but they are useful for hanging your coat on(as you arrive) or acting as an sturdy aid to help pull you to your feet (as you try and leave).









I like the owner here, Pawel. We don't have deep conversations about life but he knows my name and can say a few greetings in English which is good enough for me. My opinion was different when I first came here because I lost money to him by saying thank you in Polish before I had got my 15 zloty change! Apparently saying this at the wrong time is translated as 'keep the change mate'. Even after explaining the mix-up I didn't get the change back but I treat it as a Polish life lesson and he probably done me a favour by teaching me..........yeah right I was done-15 zloty= 3 or four pints!!!!!

Last night there was a young barman that I had never seen before and he seemed delighted to be able to practice some English. I think these situations are strange. On one side there is myself, an Anglik speaking Polish, and on the other, a Pole speaking English. I've been in situations in e.g. a shop where this is happening but there is a real communication problem which could be solved by one of us reverting back to our native language but we don't, carrying on determined to prove we can use each other's language communicatively.

Games games games

Apart from the cool look, two big pluses for me are the fact there is a dart board and a pool table. I am a big fan of pool (called bilard here - must comes from billiards?) being near obsessed with it before I came to Poland. I am good (why be modest?) and thrived playing in the pub atmosphere where being good at pool and staying on the table for a lengthy amount of time is seen as being almost divine. Snooker players are revered especially on a pool table because once you are good at snooker and used to potting distances the size of my garden, you can play impressive pool. That is one thing that I miss about London. You can go into a pub on your own to play pool and get a game by putting your coin on the table or name on the board. Although there is pool over here, the 'winner stays on' way of playing doesn't exist here and when you play it's against your friends usually for a set amount of time. I miss playing strangers and pool being taken a little more seriously. Moreover I'm not a fan of spots and stripes instead of reds and yellows, I think it's too American. American pool tables have HUGE pockets, very low down tables, huge balls, huge cue tips, well just huge in general. I hardly play over here but I still find it a bonus for a place to have a pool table.

The rules of pool vary everywhere, even in neighbouring pubs let alone a different country but the only rules which I have come across here are quite different. The black has to be doubled into the opposite pocket that your last colour was potted. I actually really like this rule because it adds a new dimension to the strategy of how to finish the game, for instance you have to plan your last colour as corner pockets are more desirable. I have been told this originated to make games last longer and spend less money.
Incidentally, if you are interested in some rules played elsewhere or the different varieties of games then have a look-see using the links above. It's quite interesting if you are into this type of thing.

However I do not like the foul rule for a potted white in which the ball is put in behind the line and you have to hit a ball which is past the center spot/middle pocket line. It can be really frustrating if you have a free white and you have to double of the top cushion to just hit your own colour because they are not in the top half of the table, there being no free ball also.

The pool table in Groto is not brilliant quality with a noticeable roll which seems to change even during a game, and if you take a shot from a particular side then you have to use the cue at a perpendicular angle to the table due to a wall being up your arse.

I have learnt a new multi-player pool game here where you choose 3 numbers e.g. 1-3 or 4-6 and you basically do not want to pot these but you can anything else, and the winner is the person who is the only one with their numbers left on the table. It's not as exciting or tense as Killer but enjoyable none the less.

Secondly there is a dart board. I love darts also and started playing from a very young age because my father (from Ireland,an Offaly man - go on the Faithful) used to play with many teams at many levels and accumulating trophies like a woman does shoes. I think a dartboard is synonymous with the British or English pub but the equivalent apparatus rather than game over here leaves a lot to be desired!

The board itself is a fruit machine with holes and with all the associated flashing lights and incredibly high-pitched beeps. The darts themselves are typical pub darts .....except they have plastic points?!? The main task is just to get all three darts to stick in the board since more often than not they shoot of at acute angles and no one is safe. This happens in England also but usually with beginners, children, the blind (although the deaf are pretty good - played against a deaf team before) and my former boss, a landlady called Ann who was notoriously bad at darts and who struggled to avoid hitting the cars parked outside.

We tend to play games with up to 6 people simultaneously all the time and no one-on-one's which is odd but very refreshing and I must admit that there is one huge advantage apart from not having to wait to play - no chalking!!! Good for the mathematically challenged amongst us who tend to make many mistakes doing the subtractions in front of everyone, myself included.


There is quite an interesting site revolving around a book 'Passport to the pub' which is a reference to all things pub in Britain.
http://www.sirc.org/publik/ptpchap8.html
I liked the analysis on this particular page about all the games and activities found in a British pub being directly related to the British being "socially inhibited" and in need of props to initiate interaction with strangers or development of "closer relationships with fellow pubgoers". I think the authour has a point. There is also more cool information about the pub games and how to survive this experience. Check it out.

There has been an attempt to make the place very realistic in the sense that you could think your in a grotto because more often than not is bloody freezing! Of course it's excellent for keeping the beer cold which is always a good thing and when you've been there for a few hours drinking, a trivial thing like ambient temperature is irrelevant. As I'm sure pissed-up English lasses will testify to when there on the pull in mini-skirts in winter.

Value for money


Not bad in my opinion but I only remember the price of Tyskie: 4.5 zl draught (About 80p)
5 zl bottle


I was always a draught drinker in England but I've been advised to drink bottled, I'm not sure exactly why, maybe it's possibly been watered down. But I have been told tht in London also so maybe it is a universal thing.



There is a jukebox which requires money and I do not agree with these in general as in my opinion music should be free in pubs. Of course you have a wider choice of music suited to your own tastes but on quite a few occasions no one has bothered to breathe life into the jukebox and nothing saps the atmosphere out of a party better than silence.

To sum up

Even though I have reservations about Polish pub games and temperature control, I relish the oppurtunity to experience these differences, being one reason I came here.
I really enjoy coming here and will continue to come here in the future. There is an appetizing menu which I am yet to try but I hope to in the near future.

Menu may not be very legible but imagination can be stronger than reality!


Anglik rating:

6 pints = Pretty good night,no mixing drinks, didnt go mad but thinking about kebab